If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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