i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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