I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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