I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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