apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
