It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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