A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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