dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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