i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
