I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
