I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
