my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
