O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
