Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
