Cold hands, warm shart.
Yo dont text me then not text me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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