Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
