new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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