so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
