My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
