I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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