she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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