She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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