TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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