I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
