yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
