I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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