i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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