Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
