it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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