You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
