Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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