Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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