fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
