dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
