oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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