I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
My life is pants optional.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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