I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
