What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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