Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So much Jack, so little girl.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
