Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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