it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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