I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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