dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
