And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
