Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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