Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Shame - the story of my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
