he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
