Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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