I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
