Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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