my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
