They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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