I met the friendliest cop last night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
