I feel great
I just peed on a car
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We're too hungover to prance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
