My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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