i think my tv is drunk
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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