So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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