I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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