She's like a pop up book from hell.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
