Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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