I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
