What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
