my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
