I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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