So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
