Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
