Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
