I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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