stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
