Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he shaved USA in his pubs
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
